The News Hooligan

5/17/2004 - Boy!  When 'The Economist' says it's time for you to go, it's time to go, "Non-Alcoholic Rummy"!

4/4/2003 - We got another Black Hawk down!  I smell a sequel...

4/4/2003 - Too many scary illnesses in my lifetime.  First the West Nile Virus, now this!  SARS which stands for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome.  Now, the word 'severe' means, among other things, serious or grave.  The word 'acute' means "...severe and sharp..."!!!  Does anyone else think there's a redundancy here?  Albeit a catchy one...

4/2/2003 - Big Tobacco, Big Oil, Big Fat ... Big Carrageenan?

3/24/2003 - They played Great White on the radio yesterday, immediately followed by 'Adagio for Strings'.

3/19/2003 - Here's a sickening story:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Reuters) -- Alaska Gov. Frank Murkowski signed a special appropriations bill Monday that earmarks $1.3 million of state funds to lobby for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

I mean, c'mon!  Why in the world does Alaska have to pay for this?  Bush and Cheney have done everything in their power and influence to roll out the red carpet for drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.  It's practically their motto, and yet Alaska has to put up money to pay for LOBBYING for oil drilling.  For lobbying!  Just for lobbying.  Not for oil drilling equipment, not to pay oil drilling workers, but to send someone to Washington who will say "Hey, guys!  Anybody want to come to Alaska to drill for oil?"  I thought Republicans wanted to send everyone's tax dollars back to them.  Well, you know that THAT 1.3 million's not going to find its way back to the people. 

Despite all this, we still have yet to have that catalyzing event, an L.A. riot-sized catastrophe, that makes us realize that as a nation we made a mistake, that what we need is a Democrat in the White House again.

3/11/2003 - The rest of the world needs to take the initiative on those fuel cell cars.  The U.S.A. is still mad about oil, which is what the war with Iraq is all about.  First Iraq, then the Arctic Wildlife Refuge.

3/11/2003 - For those of you who ever wondered if Republican congressmen were really just frustrated standup comedians, the GOP majority is hard at work returning our tax dollars, but first they're changing the name of French fries to "freedom fries", if only in the D.C. commissary.  There's also talk of returning the Statue of Liberty, but first things first, right?

2/16/2003 - Meanwhile, the artist formerly known as Prince is sitting at home going "What am I, chopped liver?"

2/13/2003 - The Dell Computer Dude was busted for possession of pot.  Well, shyeah!  How else is he supposed to get into character?

2/10/2003 - WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Economists, led by 10 Nobel laureates on Monday, attacked President Bush (news - web sites)'s $695 million tax-cut proposal, arguing that the cuts fail to address the problems facing the U.S. economy and will add to long-term budget deficits.

But, you know, who cares what those eggheads think, right?  

1/23/2003 - The cover of Newsweek asks, in true web news fashion, "Do we still need affirmative action?"  Me, personally, I'm against anything the Republicans want, but maybe they're right.  Maybe it's time we stopped giving people certain advantages based on their ethnicity.  Maybe it's time to just start hiring poor people.  No matter what it takes.  Tax credits for businesses, whatever.  I mean, all these big companies have their own housing these days, don't they?  Sure, maybe we'll fall behind in the global marketplace but we'll have a slight moral advantage!

Hit Counter